Doing it Right

I think perhaps our society has become a bit too obsessed with 'doing it right'.

By 'it', I mean being a parent. If you're a parent, do you feel as if there is too much information out there? If you do this, you'll improve your child's intelligence, if you do that, you'll lower his self esteem. Your child's future success in life DEPENDS ON YOU!

It starts in the womb, from everything you eat, the exercise you get, the music you listen to, the feelings you experience.

My desire to expose Luke to as much as I can (without spending much money) has already triggered guilt in my mother. She has so often said to me 'I never did these things with you kids' and follows it with an abuse of her abilities as a parent. You know, a parent who was always there for me and whose love I never doubted, who raised (alone from ages 13 and 11 onward) a son who is a doctor and a daughter who is an engineer.

Meanwhile, I look back at my childhood and I see nothing lacking. And as for some of the things I wish I had done, like playing a sport from an earlier age? How could she have known to suggest that, when I didn't express that interest? I was who I was and I am who I am. My mother was not and is not responsible for my every experience.

By the same token, Luke is going to be who he is. I know he's going to be okay when I see him noticing Esposo and I hugging or kissing, and when we bring him into bed on our few lazy mornings and he crawls from one to the other of us happy just to be with us. Whether I sign him up for soccer or tee ball, or take him to the children's museums, he will grow up, he will learn, and he will have to deal with what we all must eventually learn.

Life isn't perfect and you can't do it right.