Fat

Fat is a dangerous word in our society. You simply don't call people fat. You use euphemisms - heavy, overweight, or simply, 'big'. And when I want to emphasize how I'm feeling about my body, fat is the word of choice, because it's so simple, yet so powerful.

I've been struggling with weight loss my entire life. I remember the first diet and exercise program that worked, during my freshman year of high school, when I was 13. My English teacher noticed that I had lost some weight.

After that, weight crept on, and it was after my freshman year of college, at 18, that I lost 20 pounds and went back to school feeling pretty spiffy. And then the weight crept back on, plus some, and it was during my second year out of college that I lost 40 pounds (back to the same weight I got down to after my freshman year of college).

Major transitions are good for my weight loss, apparently!

Last night, I was playing with Luke in the family room, debating on what to make for dinner. I had had some chips and wasn't feeling particularly in the mood for anything. Luke had been fussy, but had finally settled down to where he was able to play more or less 'on his own', so I turned on the TV.

I don't really know what's on TV anymore, because I watch the DVR pretty exclusively, but I pretty well caught up to all my shows this weekend. And I flipped through channels and what happened to pop up was Wife Swap. And there was a very large couple and a very fit couple, swapping lives. Esposo had wandered in by this point, and as we watched the intros, I let him know that I didn't want to be that fat, and really, I wasn't hungry now.

I missed a large portion of the middle of the show putting Luke to bed (he's been sleeping GREAT lately - went to bed at 7:30 last night and wasn't up until 5:45), but caught the last 15 minutes with Esposo. Long enough to be incredibly annoyed at the fat woman, who came off, well, let's say, badly. As her husband attempted to work out as the fit wife had shown him, the fat wife commented that 'this isn't an effective use of time' during a walk.

Which, of course, got me to thinking about time limitations of working and Esposo in school, and essentially, how I've been having trouble finding time to go to the gym. And how really, if I thought this woman needed to make some time, I needed to make some time. But I still haven't figured out how to do that.

But it doesn't mean I can't get back with the diet program (which , really, I haven't strayed too far from, since I've maintained my weight for four months, I just haven't lost any).