Being a mommy

Being a mommy is not a simple thing. It requires everything from you. At all the moments you're not quite prepared to give everything.

It's not too hard to be a good mommy when your child is happy and giggling, when you've had enough sleep and you have nowhere to be at any particular time. When you're somewhat caught up on laundry and housework and you don't have to work overtime. So that covers what, about an hour over a week's time?

Yesterday I got a headache about 11 AM. Turns out I'm somewhat addicted to caffeine and I forgot to have any in the morning. My headache never fully went away though I took medicine and drank some soda. By the time I got home I was ready for a somewhat relaxing night in.

Which Luke was not ready for. He was ready for mommy to carry him everywhere, and by the way, standing in one spot eating dinner or watching TV is not acceptable. After about an hour of trying to get through some sort of 'home' routine - dinner, mail, straighten the house, I was able to fully devote myself to my son.

I was happy to turn off the TV and pull out toys and just PLAY with him for awhile.

Which is when he started the puking. Or spitting up, I should say. He crawled, and spit up, and then put his little fingers in it to play with it. He sat up, reached for something, and spit up. He sat and played with a toy, and spit up all over it. He stood up and played at an activity table, and spit up all over it.

After about roughly the eighth spit up in less than ten minutes, I was frazzled, and grossed out. The pile of wipes was high, and Luke was none the worse for wear. He grabbed at the plastic wipe bag and I took it from him, saying NO! just a little louder and harsher than I wanted to.

I took my sweet boy to my husband, working upstairs, and handed him off. Then I went downstairs and got out the Resolve and cleaned the stains from the carpet, and frantically cleaned a bit more, probably hoping I could 'fix' this little issue. Within 5 or 10 minutes I had worked off my frustration and was ready to play with and love on my little boy again.

My husband and I ended up at either ends of the upstairs hallway, with Luke and Mocha. Mocha would sit with one of us and Luke would crawl towards her. When he got close, the other one of us would call Mocha to them, so Luke would turn around and follow her. He was happy and laughing about all this, because he still thinks it's pretty amazing that he can move on his own. Mocha (our poor, sweet, dog aggressive Mocha) was loving being pet and held by us. Luke spit up a few more times but it didn't bother us then.

Afterwards Luke and I moved to the full length mirror where we sat admiring this adorable baby. I pointed out eyes and ears and cheeks, but Luke was happy just banging his hands against the mirror. And I was happy with that, too.

Sometimes I'm not the mommy I want to be, but sometimes I am.