Depress Yourself to a Merry Christmas

Last night, Luke wanted to lay in bed with me as he fell asleep, and Esposo and I let him. As we snuggled, I thought of people who don't have enough to take care of their children - enough food, enough heat, enough shelter. It's the usual take-stock-of-what-you-have-and-be-thankful thought process.

Except I don't ever end there. I thought of The Donner Party, James Kim, and the African AIDS epidemic. I thought of trying to find or hold together your family in the wake of a tsunami. Obviously, these light hearted thoughts made for poor sleeping conditions.

Today I read about people dying from carbon monoxide poisoning, and then this little boy, who has been delivered a death sentence.

All this happiness ad joy can make things hard to bear, which is why I try not to see or read news, because I take it all a bit too personally, knowing that there are people suffering intensely right this very minute. I try to respond by enjoying moments with my child WITHOUT thinking (because it may all be yanked from under your feet tomorrow! Or in an hour!). And that makes me panic and hold him and try to SAVOR THE MOMENT! REMEMBER THIS ALWAYS! And then he hits me in the head with a truck, or his head, or slaps me, or generally behaves like the ungrateful toddler he is.

And when we are out in public and older people smile benevolently at Luke (when he's behaving like a human rather than a feces-flinging-Rhesus-monkey) and tell me 'It goes by so fast... It seems like just yesterday...' I'm reduced to the same desperate memory making attempts, because OMIGOD, he's ALMOST TWO, and WHERE DID THE TIME GO!

So, if we could not make those 'Be thankful for what you have' and 'Enjoy your child while he's small' comments, that would be helpful, because Dear Lord I already know and I've got enough pressure trying to SMELL HIS HEAD EVERY DANG DAY.