Crap

I don't often get everything in my head out of my head. Make sense? No? Not surprising. I often feel like my brain is working in an entirely different sphere than my mouth. There are things I should say, things I want to say, and I never say them. Because by the time my mouth has caught up, my brain has moved on and I forget to say what I thought two seconds earlier, or when I've formulated a coherent sentence, the conversation has moved on. I constantly worry I'm coming off like an ass because I'm not saying what I think and mean to say.

But right now, I'm working on being an evil shrew. If you, perchance, read Esposo's blog entry about that damn triathlon bike, and you connect that to my utter insanity when it comes to money (particularly this year), you should be able to understand why. I'm pissed about that damn bike. I'm pissed he spent that much money, I'm pissed he's ALSO going to Vegas this weekend. I realize he was trying to make some sort of 'see how I've grown and how I understand' point with that blog entry, too, and it still just pissed me off further.

This is most likely THE MOST PISSED I have ever been at Esposo. Generally, it blows over very quickly. The women who are sleeping with butcher knives under their matresses and speak of their husbands with their voices dripping in venom - they scare me. I love Esposo. 95% of the time, he's great. This is one of the 5%.

He does not understand how I panic about money. If he did, he would NOT have bought this bike. I hate that we had a discussion about my panic, and about how things were tight this year and HE STILL BOUGHT THE FUCKING BIKE.

I hate harping on this, but I haven't been able to let it go. He got exactly what he wanted. I told him I was pissed. He knows I'm pissed. I wish I could go out and spend an equal amount on something that would ONLY be for ME, but that would only punish me further in the panic-about-money thing.

I feel I should point out that we are NOT in money "trouble". I watched an Oprah recently about people 75-125 THOUSAND dollars in debt. And we're not talking mortgage. MY HEAD WOULD EXPLODE.