Night and Day

I've been a parent of two for five days now and good grief they could not start out more different! Luke's labor and delivery seems to be shaded in a negative light now that I experienced Courtney's - the worst of all being that I could hardly hold him because my arms were too numb from the epidural, where I was able to feed her immediately and they had to come and get her for the nursery since I had already held her longer than 'allowed' (the babies have to hit the nursery within an hour of birth).

Luke was enormous - with these solid thighs and a barrel chest and large round head. This is what he looked like immediately after birth, (at 9 lbs 8 oz) and I look at him now and just can not believe how large he was.

Courtney is petite. Her thighs and legs are tiny, her head is small, and her ears are so so delicate. Where Luke had blue eyes almost immediately from birth, hers are a deep gray I think are going to turn brown.

Breast feeding Luke was hard. I could never find a comfortable way to sit and hold him, my wrists would cramp and he only gained back his birth weight after a month, and it had been a rough month for me. So far (knock on wood!) breast feeding Courtney has been much easier. She latches on well and comes away satisfied. We'll see how much she's getting at the lactation consultant tomorrow.

It feels that I messed up with Luke in those early days now that I am reliving the newborn experience with Courtney. I remember admiring and sleeping with him much as I am doing now, but as a first time mother, I lacked the confidence that I feel with Courtney. I know I did my best with him, but looking back, I can't help but feel I should have done better. Fortunately, I do feel like each day we're home together I'm improving as a toddler mom!