Anticipation

Remember when you were a kid and some major event was coming up, and you wouldn't be able to sleep with the anticipation of it all? Before trips I'd be up until midnight or one just getting things ready, even though I started to pack weeks in advance.

I'm actually fairly glad that I don't experience anticipation like that anymore, because it means I'm better able to be HERE than I am waiting for the next thing. With our trip to California, it wasn't until we were packing the night before that I began to get excited, and then I spent the first day there smiling like a nincompoop because I was just so dang thrilled to be there.

But I still have countdowns, obviously. Where I had all sorts of different countdowns before, I'm down to one. Forty six days until I quit.

Of course, in the intervening 46 days we have two weddings, are going to the lake house (twice), have a million and one projects to do on the house, Esposo's birthday, Father's Day, and then there's just getting together with friends. So in some ways looking out 46 days is impossible, I still have to work on Thursday.

The final countdown, while I am anticipating the end, scares me a bit. Because after that what will I be counting towards? And the idea of endless row upon row of days in front of me is somewhat terrifying.