Addict

I think perhaps Esposo and I have become a bit addicted to our children. We started talking last week about a third child. It may have been me that brought it up, but Esposo had certainly already had opinions on when this would happen. We talked about space in the house and where a third child would live. I think another girl could share a room with Courtney, but a 4.5 year age span would make it hard for two boys to share a room.

I hate being pregnant, but I love the end product.

Luke asked me to knock him down on Mommy-Daddy bed. I'd grab his ankles and pull and he landed on his back in a fit of giggles over and over again, wobbling as he stood up for more 'abuse'. I picked him up and cradled him in my arms and tossed him onto the bed and he asked for more, and then finally said Don't throw me. I want to snuggle. So we laid on the bed face to face and he kissed me on the cheek and I wiped it away and said Oh! No! Not kisses! and his body shook with laughter. Esposo came in and we laid on the bed, we three, tickling and kissing and the dog jumped up, too.

When I am by myself I think about my clothes and my hair and what people must think of me, but when I am with my children, my babies, I don't notice the people around me, whether they are throwing me dirty looks because my son is screaming and running or watching my bite my daughter's little kicking feet.

My children will never suffer from lack of hugs.

I miss my husband, too. I miss our time together, travelling and laughing and a more carefree existence, but I know we'll come back together as the children grow, even though they are the centers of our world right now. It's amazing to me that they didn't always exist, my children. I remember thinking about them before they were born and I really had no foresight on what they could look like or even what their names would be. How were they not always here?