I Have Lost the Ability to Speak English

This can be the only explanation, because my child can no longer comprehend ONE GODDAMN THING I SAY. And he's admitting that he's not listening to me, too. Apparently you move directly from the tantrums of the terrible twos into the selective deafness of the traumatic threes. It doesn't seem to matter if I am speaking calmly or screaming like a deranged lunatic, he just doesn't listen for one second. And it's going to drive me over the brink and/or give me a heart attack.