Grammar and spelling

I know I type like crap and I have often looked over a post and found 14 errors that I didn't bother to correct. That doesn't mean that I don't feel like gouging my eyes out after reading grammatical/typing errors. Today seems to have brought out the horrific spellers and typists. This is what I have seen so far:

I am a professional massegeur and a gourmet cooker
Asphyxiation eminent!
Such restrain!